I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
