Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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