u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
