What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
