so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
