If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
