The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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