Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
