Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
