it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
