I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
