I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
