Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
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