if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
