Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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