i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
