my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
