I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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