I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
