The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize