Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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