All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
