remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
