My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm always down for nudity.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
