Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
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