I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
