well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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