I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
