if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
