FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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