She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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