Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
