At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
