i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
