you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize