I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
