his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize