i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
