I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
