How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
