Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
