I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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