Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
