I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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