I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
