I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
