I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
