Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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