At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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