He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize