i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
