i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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