I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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