Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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