I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
