i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
