He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I touched a dick in church today
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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