I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
