from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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