i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
