i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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