remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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