How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
