Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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