Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
