he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
