arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
