Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
