I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
