hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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