Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
