no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize