you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
