i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
