No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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